Just testing the text to LJ feature.

It's not even 4:30 in the morning and I'm wide awake. This would be awesome if I were going on a road trip or something, but no. I'm awake because I'm still pissed about yesterday. I stayed up till my eyes crossed job hunting, and going into work today just doesn't sound appealing at all. Actually, the only thing that remotely sounds appealing right now is going to McDonald's for breakfast, but seeing how I don't drive and the hubby isn't going to do that for me before he has to be at work at 6, I'll just push that right out of my head.

I'm going to rant now, so if you honestly don't give a crap about my whining - and I seriously wouldn't blame you if you didn't! Everyone has drama in their lives, right?! - then scroll down farther. I'm sure I'll say something amusing later - at least I hope to.

Everyone that knows me knows that I give 110% at work. Yes, I check my email, yes I check Twitter and Facebook, but I do my work dammit. This entire year no one has come down on me for anything. They haven't complained that my work is slow in getting completed, they haven't told me it's wrong or that I'm not doing a good a job as they need me to do. I even went into work at 5:30 in the morning to get stuff done, AND I took over the phone room supervisor's position when she was in the hospital for 2 months. Nobody asked me to, I stepped up and took the damn initiative.

I got my review yesterday and it sucked ass. I mean, sucked in ways that an ass should not be sucked. I was floored. Yes, I got a pat on the head and told I was invaluable in keeping the phone room going smoothly when the supervisor was out. And I got a pat on the head for training an assistant. Whoopdie-freakin-doo. I'm very cheerful and work well with other employees - which makes me look around for my gold star on my progress chart from kindergarten (I also don't run with scissors, I don't eat paste, and I help clean up after snack time!) - and I keep the office running by making sure we have supplies and the equipment works; funny they didn't mention my amazing phone answering skills like they always do. (He...they say I can't prioritize...maybe have someone else answer the damn phone so I can get some work done and I'll have more time to get all the crap they dump in my lap done!) Oh, and I'm good at the job of Field Manager - something they just created for me out of the blue last year.

So, the two things that have me annoyed, pissed, worked up, whatever are: 

1. I did not get a raise for the second year in a row (BUT I could get up to 2 more bonuses...um, just give me a raise and keep your bonuses! The 3% bonus I got in June was apparently because of my accomplishments now not the "Thank you" that it was said to be when we ALL got it! make up your minds!) The way it's worded "No salary increase will be awarded at this time" makes me believe that SOME people got a raise. Last year when our wages were frozen that was the FIRST thing that was said when I walked in. They wanted you to know up front that they couldn't give out raises. This time it waited till you turned the page and looked at your goals for 2010. And of course they fall back upon the very convenient excuse - the economy.

2. I must become an expert at a program for data analysis in order to "Move with the company". Move with the company...wow. Um, so if I don't master this program I need to get a new job next year. WOW. I've been TRYING to master the damn program for 2 years! So now I'm going to be doing EVERY project - except for one huge one that I refuse to touch - in hopes that I master it. You've got to be flipping kidding me. Oh, and there will also be other project work that I'll do and occasionally I'll have my own projects to set up, brief and run. Seriously? This wasn't what I was hired for. The job I took 5 years ago was for an Assistant Project Director. Someone else who started the same job I did at the same time I did is now a project director. WTF? I'm NOT IT! I'm NOT a data analyst! I want to run projects! I want to manage the field and be a supervisor! (The way it went was I was hired as an APD, then they created an actual IT department and I was tossed in there to work out the database, then cross trained on this program and then moved back into the APD role, now I'm back doing IT/Analyst work. Seriously??? OH and I answer phones, sort mail, help the phone room, do my Field Supervisor work, order supplies, do payroll and occasionally book travel plans.)

Now today I have to go and pretend that I'm not annoyed, that everything is all happy sunshine and rainbows in Rae's world because we have a company outing. It's very VERY hard to get motivated to get ready right now.

Yes, I know I should be happy I have a job. I just shouldn't have to 'master' a program in order to keep it.

If I had to do it all over again I'd so go to college to become a nurse or something. I want to make a difference with my life and I want to help people. I was looking for a job in the fields of adoption, infertility and something at a hospital last night. I know I'll just end up behind a desk in a cubicle at some random company when it's all said and done because I don't have the qualifications any of those other places need, but it would be nice. I'm a very caring and compassionate person with a lot to give and I learn fast. (If that counts for anything. I don't think they have a program for any of that yet.) So if you know anyone in the IL area that's looking for someone...I'm right here! 

Okay, think I'll go find some food or something and figure out what to wear. Maybe work on my resume or something. Thanks for listening to me. *HUGS* 

From jedishadowolf 

If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

yeah - short, sweet meme. :) *HUGS-FList*

 Well, that's what this entry will be about anyway. 

Those of you who know me, know my history and all that makes me who I am. You accept me for it, you love me for it, and you nurture me in ways that I will never be able to thank you enough for. You know who you are, and I love you with all my heart. ( Everything happens for a reason )

Good morning all! 

Long time, no chat. Sorry for that. Not a whole lot is going on really. Hope everyone has some awesome Memorial Day plans. I'm heading out to see Sparky and to get away from work. Maybe do some shoe shopping. YAY! That alone makes me a happy elf.

Now that all my shows are over (how neat that Castle and Dollhouse got renewed??) I'll be able to get some writing done - hopefully.

Show of hands...how many of you are fearing the Breaking Dawn movie? I'll be going for Rob, and praying they take lots and lots of creative license.

Wow...I really don't have that much to say, do I? Hmm...how about a little eye candy? 

Taken from pattinson_pics 

Before my parent's arrived, I was hanging out on Twitter and this uproar was just starting called #Amazonfail. I checked it out briefly and saw they were pretty much censoring stuff. I did the Easter thing and came back and it had turned into this whole 'the shit has hit the fan' type thing, which led me to check it out - and now it's REALLY bugging me! 

Basically what Amazon.com has done is it's removed books with strong sexual situations - basically same sex, but other erotic stories were on the list. (Lady Chaterley's Lover, Unfriendly Fire...) - from their sales rankings. So, if you search them, they won't show up. If you type 'homosexuality' in the search field, a book called A Parent's Guide to Preventing Homosexuality shows up. Yeah, they're not trying to send a message there are they???

Sure, they're a private company, but this is censorship! If I want to buy a book of erotic lesbian stories, then I should be able to dammit! (And of course I really want to read Unfriendly Fire now!) How dare they take that away from anyone regardless of sexual preference! I'm not buying anything from them until they get their heads out of their asses! 

 And thus Easter is upon us once again. Where the heck did the weekend go? I was off on Friday but heck if I can tell you what I did the past 2 days. I still have to do some decorating of the lamb cake and straighten up here and there, but for the most part, bring on the family! (okay, it's only my Mom, Dad and Sister, but they're my family.)

Watched Jackson's episode of Criminal Minds on Friday - oh, look! That I remember! LOL! - and I have to say Jackson Rathbone is a great actor. I had no clue that he was a woman...none at all! (Of course I did end up reading spoilers at jasperalice so I knew it was coming!) I honestly had no clue that he was so good. Now, I really can't wait for NEW MOON because of that kick ass scene in the beginning when they throw Bella a birthday party and he goes all vampire on her. SQUEE!! I can't wait for that. (I know I said that...that's how much I can't wait!)

On Thursday we took the cat to the vet because he was favoring his left back leg. He hates the vet. When I say hates, I mean HATES! They had to knock him out just to examine him. So we walk in expecting to get some meds for arthritis and a series of x-rays and an ultrasound later we find out that the doc thinks he's got a tumor in his intestines. That's so not what I expected at all. The prognosis was pretty grim so we took him home and I pretty much cried all night. (Gabe's 14.) The vet calls with blood test results the next morning (Why can't human blood test results come back that fast???) and he's got Eosinophiliac Enteritis. Um...allergies. So, I have to give him predniselone every day for 7 days, and then every other day after that. Apparently this Enteritis causes the walls of the intestine to thicken so it appeared to be a tumor, but it wasn't. Plus it causes hair loss, lack of interest in food and weight loss. So far, thanks to Greenies Pill Pockets it's been a breeze giving him the meds. 

Friday I watched Dollhouse. it's pretty good. I like Victor. I like Echo and Sierra as well and I'm sorry but I really REALLY like Tophor. (SP?) He's such a hyper geek and for some reason the fact that he drinks juice boxes makes me crack up. It'll be interesting to see what happens next week. 

Well, that's about it for now guys. Need to do some writing before the vampires revolt. I hate when that happens...blood everywhere. It's so hard to clean out of the carpet too, and the husband just doesn't understand. *grin* Here's a few shots of Jackson from his Criminal Minds ep, just cause. (Um... jedishadowolf we need to think on something for Mr. Barnes the Hunter to do. Watching this ep really gave me an insight into his childhood. (I mean...HE CRIED!) But heck if I can think of anything for him on the thread.)

Hugs all around! ( Don't hate me cause I'm pretty... )

</div>

My family is coming into town for Easter this year, which means I'm making the feast. On the menu: Duck, dumplings, sauerkraut, ham, potato casserole, green bean casserole. Some type of bread and my always sought after Lamb Cake. (It's really just a pound cake in the shape of a lamb.) This year Lamby will be paired with two Easter eggs (also pound cake) with pink frosting and toasted coconut. (Mind you, there's only 5 of us eating...I tend to make WAY too much!)

*deep sigh of relief* 

I've just ordered my ham, green bean casserole and some cinnamon apples (my sister doesn't like cake, so she'll have those on top of some vanilla bean ice cream.) from Honey Baked Ham. They were cheaper than I thought they would be and Bubba can pick the stuff up on the way home from work on Saturday. YAYNESS! 

Shopping will commence tomorrow since I need to get the cakes made and cooled (If they turn out cute, I'll post pics!) before frosting them. The house still needs to be straightened and I need to find the table cloth again.

FUN all around! 

 I snagged this from pattinson_pics  and had to share. Please credit them if you re-post.

Really...it made me forget how to breathe..

I think Monday's should be an extension of the weekend and not the first day of the workweek...because we'd have them off. Then again I'd feel bad for the bum rap that Tuesday got as it would be the new Monday.

The strange things that flitter through my head sometimes, I tell ya.

It's shaping up to be a boring day at work. The highlight will be payroll, which is sad. Boring TV night too as Gossip Girl and OTH are both reruns - but Castle isn't! YAY! 

Hello to my new friends - *WAVES* - I promise to be more stimulating than this, although not sure how much. :) (Wait till I get a good rant going!) 

Hopefully tonight I'll post some fic that I write for an awesome Twilight Challenge community I was a part of. (Sadly the response wasn't strong enough to keep things going. BOO!) 

This weekend was nice and quiet. I caught up on my TV watching - Dollhouse, Criminal Minds, CSI and I tossed an ep or two of SPN in there for snicks. Did some writing - actually remembered to put my word counts up YAY! - and hung out on Twitter way too much. Hmm...sounds like a typical weekend for me. LOL! 

I should do something resembling work now. Have a great day everyone! *HUGS*

*Sigh* A bright spot in an otherwise craptastically sucky ass day! 

I just joined a brand new LJ community devoted to Kellan Lutz and my girl crush Ashley Green. Now, if you're not sure why I joined  ashleykellan here's a few reasons! 


( Oh the pretty... )</div>And...I think I've figured out the whole Photobucket thing. Yay me...I hope.

This is crazy.  All that work I did yesterday on revamping ideas...REDONE . And not in this huge fashion, just a word here and a word there, but the word that replaced the word I used MEANS THE SAME THING AS MY WORD! WTF??? 

I used surrounding, they replaced it with wrapped. SAME THING! I really think it was changed because they could change it and they have a certificate in wording such things and I don't. (No...I just write. I wouldn't know a thing about embellishing with words...nope, not me, not at all! )

And yes, I understand that is a strange rant, but I can't go into details without getting in trouble. (Not that anyone at my office even knows I have an LJ, but I'm not taking any chances.)

SO...if this is the worst thing that happens to me today that's a good thing, and it's out of the way, yes??? 

New Supernatural tonight, and I saw a commercial for the ep this morning when I was getting dressed. There's something about the way that Sam looks at the demon that makes me purr. Not sure if it's because he sees her as his next fix or what, but DAMN there's some dark need in those eyes. (Yes jedishadowolf this means a possible Isabel post if tonight's ep is as yummy as it looks...okay, the rest of an Isabel post!)

Trying a new way to do picspam! :)( Bored... )</div>
That's all! 

Edit: SERIOUSLY??? Okay, I uploaded the pics to my scrapbook thinking that you'd be able to click on the pic and get a bigger pic, but all you get is the last one!?!?! WHAT THE HELL??? Do I need to upload them to Photobucket? Will that work??? *GRUMBLE* Okay, going to bed. I'll work with the picspam later. 

Is back on the Discovery Channel April 14th. ( Northwestern...'nuff said. )</div>

My 7:00 meeting took all of 2 minutes. Why do people want meetings for something that short? *sigh* So, I went down to Knead Marketplace - OMG good sandwiches! Everything's homemade! - and got a croissant and some coffee. Since I have no motivation whatsoever right now, I dedicate this picspam to the lovely and talented jedishadowolf 


( Smexi-numminess under the cut )</div>
Whoops...how'd those other guys get in there? *grin* 

I have a plethora of pics, I can't sleep, so I thought I'd share. Warning: So not dial up friendly.

Oh, I've gathered these from everywhere. They're not mine, and I give credit to those who capped and posted them...whomever you may be.

( Show me the sexy! )</div>

Today was a pretty decent Monday. Work went by without a hitch - YAYNESS! - I got a few things accomplished and I'm not in the possession of an iced coffee from McDonalds. I got home, tossed my keys in the basket, talked to Sparky and then sifted through my mail to find an envelope from Richardson, Tx. It's stamped very neatly with the four words Photos Do Not Bend.
Again the brain wonders how in the blue hell did I get an autographed pic of Jensen Ackles? Oooooooooooooohhhhhhh yeah! I sent a little Christmas Cheer his way. (And to Jared and Robert Pattinson and now that I've admitted that I feel like a total 15 year old, not the 40 year old woman I am!)

I can't tell you how giddy I am right now!!!! HEE HEE!!!!!! YAY ME! 

Guess they'll be getting Christmas cards this year too! LOL! 

Monday's come way too soon, don't they? Even with my flex Friday last week, the weekend seemed to whiz by without me even realizing. It was a pretty decent weekend though. Sparky and her family came for a visit. I miss her. I miss all my Trouble Girls.

This weeks highlights should be:

Monday - 2 people are out of work until Thursday. I'm quite happy. New eps of GG, OTH and Castle. Hubs is bowling!
Tuesday - Writing WILL happen, even if I have to wake the muse up with a stick of dynamite. St. Patrick's Day and it's going to be 71!!! 
Wednesday - New LOST!
Thursday - New SPN (Not such a highlight would be new Smallville. Grr!)
Friday - It's the weekend baby! (And new Flashpoint and Dollhouse!)
Saturday - Dr.s appt. (Not exciting, just a reminder that I have one.)
Sunday - Not sure yet...

Looking at my highlight list I see one thing - I watch WAY too much television, not enough reading. (Or exercising, but that's a totally different post!) 

Hope everyone has a great week!! 

Hee...this could be dangerous. Taken from memeswhores  You list  your top 10 celeb crushes and answer the questions.

1. Hugh Jackman
2. Robert Pattinson
3. Ewan McGregor
4. Josh Holloway
5. Jensen Ackles
6. Jared Padalecki
7. Kellen Lutz
8. Colin Farrell
9. Ben Browder
10. Orlando Bloom

( Rest of the Meme here )

I love drama. I love watching (or reading) characters go through emotionally torturous experiences that make them different. I love putting my characters through the emotional wringer and seeing who comes out the other side.

The vampire in love with a mortal who's on their death bed - does he/she turn them and live all eternity with them, or does he/she hold their hand while the mortal does what all mortals do and dies? 

The elf who binds herself to a mortal, forsaking her own longevity because she loves him too much not to make that choice.

The mother who must put her only child up for adoption or risk that child's death at the hands of the brutal monster she married.

All of this is great when it plays out on the pages of books or in a movie theater where you've paid too much to eat stale popcorn and listen to people talk three seats over. It comes from the imaginations of writers that contemplate the 'what if's' that life brings us. That type of drama I love...the angst involved, the rooting for the vampire or elf or mother to rise above their drama and come out on top. Will the elf and human live happily ever after? Will the vampire let the mortal go and walk into the sun to end his or her own preternatural life? Will the mother decide not to give the child up, but run and seek out help? 

After two or three hours we have our answers and we walk out of the theater, or we close the book, and we go on our merry way, content in our own daily struggles. But when drama - everyday drama - eeks into your life it totally and utterly sucks the big one. It drains you, fucks with your emotions, and frankly I really - REALLY - hate it. (For a writer it should help the dramatic muse but in fact it strangles the life out of it and all the other muses join in for kicks leaving you frustrated and annoyed and worse, unable to write for shit.)

Life's too short for drama people. Kiss and make up, realize that we live in a world where people CAN and WILL say what's on their mind and that it's their God given right to do so. Let old hurts heal, make up with that family member that hurt you so long ago, and respect people's views for what they are - THEIR views, THEIR comments, THEIR thoughts - things that you can't change because you don't agree with them.

Open your minds and your hearts and see where it takes you. You might just be surprised.